Backslidden. That’s what I’ve done. I started off Tuesday with a sensible cup of coffee and a parfait with blueberries, strawberries, and plain yogurt. The previous day’s memory of Mango Cremes made me a bit nauseous and I was glad for it. And then for a variety of reasons I didn’t or couldn’t have lunch. A migraine kicked in around noon and then it was 3.
Realizing I was running out of time to organize 500 boxes of cookies, I scrambled to get each order ready for pick up and then it was 4. Pick up began and ended and and I realized it was 5 and I hadn’t eaten anything. I found a half of a sleeve of Thin Mints on the counter and ate them without a thought. More errands and pick up, bedtime, and then I went grocery shopping for healthy food. On the way to the store I ate a sleeve of Mango Cremes I had snuck in my purse. Not good.
I found myself rationalizing that I could simply eat the second sleeve when I got home since the damage had already been done for the day. I would then stop. I rationalized that I hadn’t eaten any other food so the calories from the cookies weren’t that bad. The entire thing was reminiscent of my very successful cigarette and junk food diet at 23. I was a size 5, but probably anemic. I am now 43 and figured the diet would only kill me before I ever got thin.
That’s when I realized that my sugar withdrawal clock had been set back to zero after Mango Monday. I did not get credit for having made it twenty-one days without sugar. It didn’t matter the days and weeks I spent constantly resisting treats. Monday was not a pass to slide and then regroup. It was a complete regression that I am still trying to recover from.
The rest of the night I found things to do to keep me from the cookies and I’m determined not to eat any more. I’m also hoping to be able to get back to regular meals so I’m not even tempted to snack for hunger on the first thing I see. This might prove tougher than I would like since I awoke to a sick child today and it’s 1:30 and I still have yet to eat anything.
Day Twenty Three
Breakfast
What I Wanted to Eat is What I Ate:
Berries and Yogurt
- 1 cup coffee w/half & half
Lunch
What I Wanted to Eat is What I Ate:
- Venti latte
Dinner
What I Wanted to Eat:
- ANYTHING but what I ate
What I Ate:
- 5 or 6 Thin Mints
- Sleeve of Mango Cremes
- “The Dude Abides” over ice
